Bailouts, Social Welfare and Occupy Wall Street. How about working 3 jobs to succeed and achieve personal financial obligations if that’s what it takes? What happened to the work ethic instilled in so many generations which built this great country? I have a good idea on a solution, but nobody listens because we are all too damned smart to give anyone’s opinion any merit. It’s easier to blame someone and put your hand out to continue along without any skin in the game.

I’ve written previously about being disturbed, starting a riot, moral bankruptcy which summarizes our misguided society.  Some of you follow and completely understand others not so much.

I’m no genius, but the Mind fuck of America continues and I’m amazed by the amount of intelligent people who are falling for it. Make no bones; I said intelligent, not educated- HUGE difference there. Pretty clear to me where it all went wrong, but what do I know?

I’m at a point where it does not make sense to continue as planned. There’s no drama in that- things are great, just that after 44 years of goal setting and achievement it’s time to reconsider. What does that mean exactly? Damn… if I knew that, I would not be here writing a blog about it. I’ve passed on some great advice offered in the past, but have no regrets- NONE.

I’m thankful for the ability to run again. It’s been very slow and frustrating but I’ve already had a couple breakthrough moments and found motivation in the strangest places. There have been some very low, dark, cold moments along the way. Reality sucks but there is progress none the less. I’ve set a goal which I am not ready to share- more on that down the road before I get ahead of myself.  It’s nice to be free of burden and working toward another personal goal which brings me back to my point. I’ve upped my game, put things into perspective and charted new ground. It’s the rule of threes in action GO, FIGHT, WIN… or something along those lines. It isn’t easy, but anything worthwhile usually isn’t.

Anyhow, it’s time to re-engineer the end game. Time to change rationale, goals and demeanor- secure the fort and liquidate extraneous crap to move forward. It’s time to turn off the filter, start leading with the elbow and stop being so god damned politically correct.

when we were older
we talked, longingly
about being young
because that’s
all we wanted

when we’re
dead
will we talk, knowingly
about being alive?

or will we finally
be content
with where we are?

(D. James)

 Life has been extremely hectic the past few months. There is a lot going on and at times I’m having issues keeping up. For the most part things are really good and I’m pretty satisfied with the progress in everything except my personal fitness goals. It’s been a rough Spring and early Summer health wise- but that’s simply the result of burning the candle at both ends for far too long. I’m working on that in small steps.

So back to being disturbed- I got a postcard in my mailbox on Friday. As soon as I saw it I knew exactly who it was from and generally what the message on the flip side would be. Really- how many times have I heard that, right? I was right on track with a few exceptions which I learned after the fact, both of which are disturbing. It has nothing to do with the Corona’s or the sunburn- which I have to admit I’m a little jealous of. But that’s only because I desperately need a vacation.

First of all, I guess I should say congratulations? Or maybe good luck is a better choice? I’m wondering (and betting) that this is another in a long line of “pull your head out of your ass” moments. Maybe it seemed like a good thing at the time? Curious as to what the rest of (or real) story might be.

Knowing what I know has me shaking my head even more so. I guess this is what a psychic must experience- knowing something “bad” is going to happen while being powerless to change the outcome.

 Disturbing, that’s what resonates in my head. Hopefully this has a happy ending and I’m wrong- I’d be OK with that.

I was just saying the other day how I should get back to writing. Funny because just like that the shit hit the fan and I went from zero to one hundred in a snap. I went out running on lunch yesterday and as usual my mind wanders while running. I found myself sifting through all the garbage from this week with the usual “angry music” play list rolling. I’ve listened to this song a million times but it’s almost perfect for the BS that’s going on. Funny as there is a little something in here for all of you and for me as well. I’m not going to name names, or call anyone out at this point- you can probably figure out where you fit into this one.

If you feel

so empty

so used up

so let down

If you feel

so angry

so ripped off

so stepped on

you’re not the only one

refusing to back down

If you feel

so filthy

so dirty

so fucked up

so walked on

so painful

so pissed off

you’re not the only one

refusing to go down

you’re not the

only one

so get up

just get up

Pronunciation: \pə-ˈthe-tik\

Function: adjective

Etymology: Middle French pathetique, Late Latin patheticus, Greek pathētikos capable of feeling, pathetic, from paschein to experience or suffer

Date: 1598

1 : having a capacity to move one to either compassionate or contemptuous pity

2 : absurd , laughable <a pathetic costume>

Caution: This blog entry may not exactly be about what you think it is.

There has been a lot of media coverage about financial “Ponzi” schemes that have recently surfaced. Bernie Madoff has been accused of $50 BILLION dollars worth of investment fraud. $50 BILLION! This is all unraveling due to the world’s current economic situation which was a long time in coming.

I was driving home earlier this week thinking about how the majority of society lives a “Ponzi” lifestyle. Borrowing money to pay for goods and services they simply can never afford. I’m not talking about financing items within your means rather about an average single wage earner mortgaging a huge house, then financing all the furnishings and electronics while leasing a luxury car they can’t afford. Subsequently they are then relying on credit cards for day to day living expenses. In essence, carrying on a lifestyle one can not financially sustain long term. You may know it as keeping up with the “Joneses” or using today’s income to pay debt accrued months, years and decades past without ever really paying back the principal or creating equity.

Somewhere along the way we as a society have been misguided. If you spend more than you earn, you accrue debt- simple. If you eat more calories than you burn then you accrue fat- simple. If you don’t pay back debt, whatever form it assumes then at some point you are bankrupt. This is a rather simple concept which has been dumbed down over time. Society is instead taught to lean on creative financing, false miracles or denial in an attempt to correct the root cause of these issues.  We are always looking for that magic bullet that will absolve debt, fat, bad relationships, a sullied past, personal hang-ups or whatever the problem at hand may be. As we all know, try as you may that magic bullet simply does not exist.

Reflect back to May when you resumed writing proverbial checks that you couldn’t cash. All was seemingly well until it caught up with you again.  You found that the grass isn’t and wasn’t always greener on the other side of the fence. The worst part is that you knew better. What you have chosen to do with the outcome of that situation is pathetic. You are morally bankrupt and there’s no magic bullet here.

I’ve said my piece, please stop.

Over Christmas vacation I sat and reflected on the past year. You can usually summarize highs, lows and in betweens just like most years, but wow what a ride it’s been. As I look in the rearview mirror at 2008, I saw things that I have not seen in a long time. As hard as that was its all part of the process, no regrets. It’s too late for me to consider looking backwards- no thanks, sorry.

Some chapters close while others open and the story of my life goes on. Things I should have done and didn’t, things I did and shouldn’t have all seem to be in relative balance. I am happy and healthy- what more can I ask for really? With daily twists and turns in territory not charted means predicting what and where 2009 will take me is impossible. It sure does look to be shaping up as another really great year though.

Over vacation I spent plenty of time skiing. Both kids are doing great and have exceeded my expectations already this season! We all spent alot of time on snow in conditions which were representative of the whole winter spectrum. I am back into preparing for another season of racing which has been great. It’s nice to get back to something which demands my full attention and is yet so enjoyable. I’m kicking off the season on Thursday and looking forward to skiing fast, drinking beer and having fun.

With that much skiing, I have not been to the gym in almost two weeks! I did get a chance to run outside on December 27^th as it was 60 degrees! It was kind of unique to get a nice long outdoor run in really favorable conditions at the end of December. I’m looking forward to a solid indoor run tonight so that I can just let some things gel in my head. I’m not looking for answers, rather simply trying to sort things out and insure that my thought processes are clear thus far. I’m smiling and things are good- I just want to keep it that way.

Happy New Year! 

The film itself was pretty typical of the modern era of WM with lots of heli skiing, big air and very blatant product placements throughout. I wasn’t surprised to hear a couple Foo Fighters tracks mixed in which was an added bonus. The story line of the film was to never grow old, live your life to the fullest and enjoy each and every day like it’s your last. A good reminder that taking some risk in letting it all hang out every now and again and not sweating the small stuff is really important. All and all a very fun night which put a little additional fire in everyone’s belly to get out and make some turns!

See ya’ there!

I spent the latter part of the week having some of the weirdest dreams I have had in years. These are the kind of dreams that take me back to the Darvocet induced insanity I suffered through when I dislocated my shoulder. Very very very strange, I’m probably better off not knowing what the heck that is all about.

I went out with Doc on Saturday- it was completely unplanned and turned out to be incredible again. OK, so maybe the house isn’t totally clean… Such a simple evening yet more fun than a barrel of chocolate covered monkeys! Unfortunately it’s looking like New Mexico the first of the year and that isn’t commutable so that 8 second buzzer looms eminent.

Sunday was miserable cold and raining so the decision to run indoors at the gym was pretty simple. I felt like an animal in a cage!! Running 7 miles on a track that is 1/10^th of a mile is mind numbing. I’m getting a ton of pressure to do the half in Vegas, but that’s only 5 weeks away. I don’t think finishing will be a problem, but my rookie goal is to do it under two hours. If Saturday was any indication of what this trip could be like it’s incredibly hard to say no, thus why I have left the option open for now.

So I have loose ends to tie up, items to put on Ebay and dreams to forget about. All of which isn’t new- But at least the house is clean!

Pronounced: /ˈfɪkˌseɪt/

Function: verb

Meaning: to look at or think about something constantly: to give all of your attention to something

So in a nutshell that pretty much sums me up the past week and I do not like it. Fixate on what you ask?? Hmm……That’s easy because it’s the same topic(s) as before, however a little more intense. Against my own advice I am totally over analyzing stuff that I have zero control over and said I wouldn’t analyze.

I would guess alot of this has to do with running. I have about an hour every day, six days a week where my mind is totally numb and I’m isolated from life’s usual distractions. With the exception of music and focusing on my pace, there’s nothing there. Not sure if that is good or bad. It could be that my play list and route may be the trigger for a lot of this process. I may try running without music to see if that helps, but more than likely it will be worse. 

I ran at the gym last night without issue for almost 90 minutes. That is my longest run to date. The distractions that running indoors at the gym provides are somewhat unique and incredible although it can totally overwhelm one’s senses. Sure beats the miserable suffering I have encountered in the past!

So I’m standing there looking around Saturday morning at all the possibilities yet all I could think was that even the “good ones” are probably freaks. Yeah, I know- that’s disturbing. So many options and not a clue which direction to go or where to start! You might think that’s a good problem to have but it’s not. From one extreme to another in no time huh?

Maybe it’s me? Maybe I am too quick to judge a book by the cover?? Seems that once I am a few chapters in it isn’t what the “Cliff Notes” said it was. Or maybe it’s my interpretation or expectations that are askew? I don’t know but I am growing tired of the game. On the other hand being with someone you know isn’t “right’ is just wrong.